


Deceit's Whiskey and the Wedding Conundrum

by soupstarsandsilence



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Arguments, Deceit drinks whiskey because it's a posh drink and he's a posh snake, Deceit is A Good, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Then Deceit shows up and makes things better, Thomas needs a hug, Whiskey - Freeform, mild alcohol consumption, mild panic attack, much to everyone's surprise, probably kinda ooc, takes place instead of SvS, thomas is tired, virgil patton and roman struggle to Find Their Chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence
Summary: Takes place instead of SvS.Thomas and the core four are struggling to decide what to do in regards to the wedding/call-back fiasco. As a last resort, Thomas summons Deceit, and Deceit... Still manages to look posh and intimidating in his pyjamas. And also solves their problems.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 181
Collections: fic to read for the bubbly feeling!





	Deceit's Whiskey and the Wedding Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> x this is very dialogue-heavy.
> 
> x please let me know if you find editing errors.

The argument between Thomas and his four main Sides had been going on for almost an hour now, and Thomas was nearing the end of his rope. He needed something – _anything –_ to help him solve this problem, so he could put the whole night to rest and forget this ever happened. He slumped into the couch, and his eyelid twitched as Roman started screeching at Patton. When Logan threw a balled-up piece of paper towards the two, Thomas decided enough was enough.

“Will you all _shut up!_ ” He yelled, and at once, the room quietened. Thomas put his head in his hands and huffed. “Clearly, the four of you aren’t going to come to a suitable conclusion any time soon—”

“Now _hold on,_ kiddo,” Patton started, but Thomas cut him off.

“Don’t ‘kiddo’, me, Patton. We’ve been at this for ages, and all I have to show for it is a bin-full of failed plans and a migraine. Maybe…” He paused to rub at his eyes. “Maybe we should just bring Deceit in.” He held up a hand against the unanimous objections. “He might know what to do, and I think it’s about time I get another opinion on this. If we don’t like what he has to say, we don’t have to go with it.”

The four groaned, Virgil noticeably louder than the rest, but they quietened down as Thomas rose a hand to summon Deceit.

* * *

In his bedroom, Deceit was preparing for a relaxing night to himself. Dressed in his black, silk pyjamas (with little yellow snakes littering the fabric), a fluffy black and gold robe, and the softest pair of yellow Ugg boots he owned, Deceit poured himself a generous glass of whiskey as a documentary on Greek mythology played quietly in the background. Deceit had just gotten himself into bed and set his laptop in front of him to watch the video when he felt the summons. He sighed quietly as he paused the video and stood up.

 _‘Typical. The one night I give to myself, and it’s_ now _that he needs me.’_

Deceit stood up, fixed his hair, and prepared to pop in on his host.

* * *

Deceit appeared next to Logan, and the five had to do a double take at the Side’s relaxed and casual clothing.

“Is that whiskey?” Were the first words out of Thomas’ mouth, upon getting over his shock.

“No, it’s clearly apple juice,” Deceit murmured before raising the glass to his lips and taking a small sip to prepare himself for the nightmare that was surely about to begin. “What do you need, Thomas? I have plans tonight.”

“See? He’s busy!” Virgil said, glaring at Deceit. “So, why don’t we just send him back to wherever he was, and try to solve this without resorting to _lying._ ”

Deceit raised his eyebrows at Virgil, but said nothing, turning back to Thomas. “You need me to help you lie about something?”

Thomas groaned. “Yes? No? I don’t know, okay! I don’t… I don’t know what I want.” He ran a hand through his already messy hair and huffed. “I thought maybe you could… Help. Provide… Another opinion or something.” He gestured helplessly at the papers and calendar on the coffee table before him, and Deceit wandered over to take a look. He sat down next to Thomas and delicately set his glass on the table before picking up one of the papers… An invitation.

“This is the invitation to Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding.”

“Yeah…”

“What’s the issue?”

“Well… You see, Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding is on the thirteenth of April, and I told them I was gonna go, because, I mean, obviously, right? They’re my friends and I wanna be there for them on such a happy occasion, and at the time, I thought I would be free on the day, otherwise I wouldn’t have said I would go but…”

Deceit scratched idly at the scales on his left hand as Thomas rambled. He felt mildly uncomfortable being in front of the other Sides without his hat and gloves, but didn’t quite care enough to snap himself into his usual outfit. It would hardly make a difference now that they had already seen him anyway. “But…?” He prompted, when he noticed Thomas was hesitating.

“But… I got invited to the call-back for the Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie… It’s a really big deal, and an opportunity I might never get again… It’s also on the thirteenth of April.”

“That is quite the conundrum.”

“Yes, it’s a tragedy, we’re more than aware,” Roman nearly shouted, “So, can you just tell Thomas to lie to Lee and Mary Lee about something terrible happening so he has an excuse to miss the wedding, so we can go to the call-back?”

“ _No!”_ Both Virgil and Patton shouted at the same time. “We are not _lying_ to Thomas’ friends! He’s better than that!” Patton continued.

Thomas put his head in his hands and shuddered as the argument started up again. Deceit frowned at his hosts’ distress. “Everyone, be quiet, please.” His voice, while not raised, did cut through the others’ arguments sharply, and they stopped to look at him. He turned back to Thomas. “Why do you think you need to lie to Lee and Mary Lee about what’s going on?” He asked softly.

“Because… Because the call-back isn’t a good enough excuse. It’s selfish, to go to the call-back when I already told them I would go to the wedding.”

“What makes you think it’s selfish? This call-back is, as you said, a big opportunity. It could hold back your career immensely if you miss it.”

“I’d be putting myself before my friends… Doing something that only benefits me, instead of something I already promised I’d do for them… They’d be so disappointed.”

Deceit picked up his glass and tapped his fingers against the rim, frowning at the liquid. “So, you think that coming up with a more ‘acceptable’ excuse – something bad happening to a family member, for example – would… What? Ease your guilt?”

“I… At least Lee and Mary Lee wouldn’t feel like I’m deserting them for something not worthwhile…”

“ _Not worthwhile?”_ Roman screeched, but Deceit held up a hand. Roman huffed and crossed his arms, but stayed quiet.

“It seems to me, that if you lied to them and then went to the call-back, you’d feel guilty. Both for lying about why you can’t go to the wedding, and for going to the call-back.”

“Of course I’d feel guilty!”

Deceit hummed. “What do you think they’d say, or do, if you told them the true reason you wanted to skip the wedding?”

“They—” Thomas began, but Virgil interrupted them.

“They’ll be super angry at him for being selfish, and they’ll tell him they don’t want to be his friend anymore, and they’ll tell everyone else that he’s a selfish jerk who renegades on promises to friends _and everyone he knows will leave him and he might not even get the part in the movie anyway, so he’ll have lost everything for nothing.”_

“Which is why we should just tell them—” Roman spoke up, but Virgil cut him off, too, growing increasingly more agitated.

“ _And, it would be even **worse if he told a lie and then they found out, because then not only would he be a selfish jerk who renegades on promises to friends, but he’d be an untrustworthy selfish jerk and everyone will hate him, and he still might not get the part in the movie so there’s no WINNING HERE AND WE SHOULD JUST GO TO THE WEDDING!”**_

“Virgil, breathe.” Logan had moved forwards, towards Virgil, finally speaking after being silent since Deceit arrived. “I assure you; you’re overreacting.”

As Logan quietly talked Virgil down from his developing panic attack, Deceit watched Thomas. He handed his glass over to his host, who took it with a stressed and bemused expression. “You look like you need it,” Was all the explanation Deceit offered. Thomas let out a strained chuckle and nodded, taking a large sip.

“So,” Deceit started, “do you want to hear my opinion on all this?”

“Please,” Thomas replied.

“I think, and please hear my reasoning before you interrupt, that you should tell Lee and Mary Lee the truth, and go to the call-back.” Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but Deceit raised a hand to shush him. “Let me tell you why I think that, and then you can tell me if you agree or not. Okay?”

“… Okay.”

“Okay. Lee and Mary Lee are getting married. That’s a pretty big deal – For them. Obviously, they love each other, and they’re excited to spend the rest of their lives together. They want everyone to share the day they become one with them. But, at the end of the day, what’s important about the event is _them._ Yes, it’s nice to have family and friends there, but I guarantee, they will not see it as the end of the world if a couple of their friends can’t make it. Their wedding isn’t about you, Thomas, nor is it about their reactions to your being – or not being – there. It’s about them.”

Deceit paused to take his glass back from Thomas, and drained the rest of its contents in one gulp, grimacing. “Lee and Mary Lee are adults. They understand that things come up, plans change, and not everything can be scheduled into neat little boxes. I truly think that they’ll be happy you’ve been given this opportunity. Moreover, asking _you_ to attend _their wedding_ instead of something that could benefit your career _so much_ would be selfish of _them._ Friendship goes both ways, Thomas. You’re holding yourself to standards you would never dream of holding your friends to. You can’t give all of yourself, all of the time, and never take something back once in a while.”

“So, I…”

“Tell them the truth. Apologise, if you feel you must, but don’t beat yourself up over it. You deserve to be happy just as much as they do, and you will both be happy if you tell them the truth, and go to the call-back.”

“I just… I still wish I could be there for them.”

“There are other ways, and other times, to wish them well. There’s no rush.”

Thomas let out a long, slow sigh and leaned back into the couch.

“You’re… Right.” He tilted sideways, leaning his head on Deceit’s shoulder, and Deceit struggled for a moment to keep the surprise off his face, instead wrapping an arm around his exhausted host. “You’re right. I don’t… I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal out of this. These things happen. It’s not my fault the two events are on the same day.”

“No, it most certainly isn’t.”

“I guess I’ll call Lee in the morning then?”

“Up to you.”

“Yeah…” Thomas closed his eyes, and for a few seconds, the room was silent. Virgil appeared to have recovered from his earlier panic, and was now staring at Deceit, a contemplative expression on his face.

“I thought you were only meant to lie to Thomas,” he said quietly. Deceit blinked at him and chuckled.

“I _can’t_ see how you would come to that conclusion,” he retorted, grinning slightly. “No,” he continued, “I don’t always lie. My job is to recommend when lying would be _beneficial_ to Thomas. Not convince him to lie about everything, all the time, for no good reason.”

“… It’s not?” Patton asked.

“Of course not. What kind of person do you take Thomas for? We’re all part of him. Do you think he likes lying to his friends?”

“Of course he doesn’t! Lying is wrong!”

“What if he had to lie about his friends to someone else, say, to keep their sexual or gender orientation secret? Does he have a problem with that?”

“… Well… No…”

“What if his friend asked if he liked their new hairstyle, but he thought it looked awful, would he tell them so bluntly?”

“No…”

“And what if he went on a date with someone he didn’t end up liking, someone who scared him, and they asked him for his phone number or address? Would he tell them the truth?”

“… No.”

“So?”

Patton remained quiet, looking down and frowning. Deceit sighed.

“You can’t group the entirety of such a complicated subject into one box, Patton. _Lying_ isn’t inherently wrong. Lying about _certain things,_ or for _certain reasons_ is. It all depends on intent. You’re Morality. Surely you understand this.”

Patton looked like he was about to cry, and Deceit didn’t like the negative feelings that swirled in his gut at the sight.

“I do understand,” Patton whispered. He looked up, at Thomas. “Thomas?”

Thomas blinked his eyes open and sat up slightly. “Yeah, Pat?” Deceit removed his arm from around his host and summoned his bottle of whiskey. After this conversation, he felt he deserved a little more… So much for a relaxing night in.

“I… I’m sorry for being so strict, kiddo.”

“It… It’s alright, Patton.”

“But it’s not!” Patton insisted. “I always do this… I’m so scared that you’ll do something that’ll make you a bad person that I overreact and end up hurting you…”

“It’s a learning experience, Pat. No one’s perfect, least of all me. But I’m making progress towards bettering myself every day, and I wouldn’t change having you there to help guide me through it all for anything.” Thomas pat the space on the couch next to him, and Patton stumbled over, sinking into the pillows. Thomas wrapped both arms around Patton and sighed. “You didn’t hurt me, Patton, honestly. I understand your concerns, and they’re perfectly valid. I don’t want to be a bad person any more than you want me to be.”

“I should trust you more,” Patton whispered as moved his arms to return to hug. “I’m really sorry, kiddo.” He released a shuddering sigh and leaned back, scrubbing at his eyes with a loosely balled fist. “I know you’ll do great at the call-back,” He murmured. Thomas grinned.

“I hope so.”

“So…” Thomas turned to Roman, who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, looking seconds away from bursting. “So, just to be clear, we _are_ going to the call-back?”

Thomas huffed out a laugh. “Yes, Roman, we are going to the call-back.”

Virgil jumped, and Logan covered his ears and glared at Roman as the creative Side brought out a large party horn and blew into it with vigour. “Wooooo! We’re going to the call-back, we’re going to the call-back…” The repeated phrase was accompanied by an odd little dance that drew reluctant giggles from everyone in the room.

Soon enough, however, Deceit stood up with a quiet groan. Turning to Thomas, he offered his host a short mock-bow as he asked, “I hope I was able to help you through this?”

Thomas smiled softly at him. “I… Yeah. Yeah, you helped a lot, Deceit. Thank you.”

Deceit smiled back. “Glad I could be of assistance. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he picked up his whiskey bottle and once-more empty glass, “I had things I was planning to do tonight.”

“Evil Dark Side things?”

“… _Yes.”_ Thomas laughed at the obvious lie. “I’m partaking in the very evil ritual of getting mildly drunk while watching documentaries I’ve already seen.”

“Well, sorry for keeping you, and I hope you have fun with that.”

“Trust me, I will.”

Deceit prepared to sink out, but Thomas spoke up once more. “Oh, and Deceit?”

“Hm?”

Thomas seemed to hesitate for a second, before nodding once as he came to a decision. “… Don’t be a stranger, yeah? I could definitely use your help again in future.”

Deceit blinked rapidly and swallowed back the urge to do something stupid, like cry. Was this… Acceptance? Did Thomas actually accept him, just like that, after one conversation?

Apparently so.

Deceit smiled back. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied, and sunk out before he could find a way to embarrass himself (more than showing up in his pyjamas already had).

* * *

Deceit opened a small packet of cashews to snack on as he rewound his documentary and settled into bed. He fell asleep fifteen minutes in, and woke up the following morning to Patton knocking on his door, inviting him for breakfast with the other Light Sides.

Roman wouldn’t stop thanking him for convincing Thomas to go to the call-back, and when Deceit and Virgil locked eyes as he passed the anxious Side the orange juice… Virgil _smiled_ at him.

Actually smiled at him.

Well then.


End file.
